The House That Fell as Manna From Heaven

Just thought I'd update the blog with the latest on the move...

Last week we took a road trip up North to see if we could secure a place to hang our hats when we rolled back into Santa Rosa in August. Initially, it seemed our timing was a bit off. Every place we went, we were either too early (they couldn't hold a place for us long enough), or too late (they had already found renters.) So, we resigned ourselves to coming up again for another shot in a couple of weeks, which was going to be difficult to arrange.

So when Sunday rolled around, we were hoping we would have an idea of where we were going to end up so we could check out our new church community. But alas, nothing had been decided. So we picked the ward that encompassed the area where the schools were most desirable for the kids and just kept our fingers crossed.

This ward happened to be the same one I grew up in. So, entering that building, there were a lot of familiar faces...many of which were eager to help us find something. When Relief Society began, the R.S. president stood up and announced, "We'd like to welcome Shana Van Cleave, who is visiting today. She used to be Shana Berger and had pig tails when I knew her. She wants to move into the ward with her family. Please let her know if you hear of anything." Within the hour, we had several great leads.

Bottom line, we found a place to live and it's above and beyond what we were hoping for. We'll be living in a great little neighborhood across the street from my old elementary school and a few blocks away from a park. There are FIVE bedrooms, an easily maintainable yard, huge kitchen, family room, living room, and two car garage. And the best part? We will no longer be subjected to the drunken revelers that wander beneath my bedroom window every night as they try to find their cars after a night at Busby's Sports Bar! Can I hear a WOOT WOOT?!?

Wooing Wayne

I surprised Wayne with a picnic to the Santa Monica pier a couple of days ago. He seemed a bit shocked when I told him my plan was to woo him. As we headed out to begin our beautiful day in the sun, he asked, "What inspired you?" The answer took him by surprise...

I had just been on a website listing some of the most novel approaches to popping the question. One dude tattooed "Will you marry me?" on his bicep. She responded, "Of course" in ink, just below his original query. (Good thing the answer was yes. Imagine the embarrassment if she had dissed him!) Another guy had a choreographed dance routine, with hundreds of participants, arranged in a busy New York park, while he proposed to the lovely bride-to-be from the center of the plaza/dance floor.

But my favorite was a candlelight proposal on the beach.

You see, Romeo had prepared an elegant picnic for his future fiance, to be enjoyed under the light of the moon. He had also set about a arrangement of votive candles, artfully displayed in the sand in the shape of an enormous heart.

Awwwww. So sweet.

What he didn't know was: that night the dunes would come alive with thousands of hatching, endangered, baby sea turtles. The little critters popped out of their leathery little shells, the wonder of new life in their newborn eyes... squinting to make out the reflection of the big full moon off the nearby lapping waves. The lunar marker would lead them directly towards the sea--their ultimate destination to begin the wondrous circle of life that was key to their species' survival.

So they instinctively followed the brightest glare on the horizon. Surely their inbred sensibilities could never lead them astray. But alas, thousands of baby sea turtles had never been equipped to handle the Darwinian dastardly deeds of Romeo and his candle display. Emerging from their protective eggs, they stumbled steadily, innocently, towards the blazing inferno of love, away from the safety of the ocean's welcome waves.

And lurking in the shadows of the fiery flames, an onslaught of voracious crabs lay in wait for the unsuspecting newborns: carnivorous, claw-wielding, and hungry. One by one, the baby sea turtles and their hopeful futures were snatched and devoured by the feasting crustaceans... effectively obliterating an entire generation of this protected, endangered species. Only one survived the sea turtle holocaust, only to perish days later.

So I figured, if Romeo can unwittingly obliterate an entire generation of reptiles in the name of love, why can't I pack up a nice picnic for my sweetheart?

The End.

The Whole Boring Month With One Almost Exciting Highlight

This blog has been D.O.A. for the past month. And I'll bet you thought, "Gee. Shana is usually so faithful about these things! She must have had a REALLY exciting month that kept her from dutifully blogging!"

*insert obnoxious buzzer noise here*

WRONG!!!

There has been lots going on, but nothing exciting. Basically, it just boils down to lots of work, the Primary program, and wading through 200 applications for prospective pedo residents...

Oh yeah... and a Halloween-slash-birthday, wherein I have magically maintained my chronic age of 29.

Oh yeah, and Wayne said Bono was in the DMV on the day I was renewing my driver's license (but didn't point him out to me because he was afraid I would totally freak out in the DMV. AS IF...!!!)

So, since I have nothing of value to offer the blogging world as of now, I pose this very important question to you--my 3 loyal readers of this blog:

If you were in the DMV (the most boringest place in the whole wide world), and in walks your spouse's most favoritest celebrity in the whole wide world (...well, maybe Larry Mullen Jr. is a little more favoriter, but that's beside the point...), and you know she has been lusting, I mean admiring this celebrity since she was 11 years old, and you know she is having a crappy week because she has to work for 12 days straight and this is, like, day 5 of that span of time... Would you point said celebrity out? Would you do it in spite of a possible scene involving high pitched squealing and jumping up and down, which would inevitably become obvious to the 100 or so people in the DMV because the mood there is very Shaun-of-the-Dead zombie-esque and squealing with delight is kind of the antithesis of the typical DMV ambiance?

If you answered "Helz NO! I wouldn't allow my spouse to make such a dang fool of herself just to say she saw Bono at the DMV!" ...then we are no longer friends.

If you answered, "Shiz YAH! That's the most exciting thing that could ever happen at the DMV! Not to mention Bono would have been even more excited than when he won the Nobel Peace Prize to have some random housewife fawning over him while he stands in Line 14-F to get fingerprinted and photographed!" ...then you can still be my friend.

Wayne is going to suffer for this one for a loooooong time.

I Should Pay More Attention While I Live in Santa Monica

I shopped for cheese today at Albertson's... Reached right over some indecisive, faceless person as I grabbed a bag of shredded sharp cheddar. And as I walked away and out of her sight, Wayne leaned over and discreetly whispered, "You just shopped for cheese with Kelly Kapoor." Turns out actress Mindy Kaling likes cheddar too. I guess that makes us bosom buddies. We're real tight now.

I'll sign autographs later.

Ode to Busby's

Busby's Sports Bar

You sound like fun

As your drunkard patrons

Wander at one.

One A.M. I hear their call

At the top of their lungs

Down the alley

Songs that ought not be sung:

"Livin' on a Prayer"

"Odo the Hero"

"I Believe I Can Fly"

Their tonal resonance I would rate a zero.

Slurring their words

They discuss Ninja turtles

Tripping over pepples

As though they were hurdles.

I am lacking sleep.

Forgive my rhyme.

I know it sucks.

But 2:00 a.m. is closing time.

What To Do When the Santa Monica Sun Beckons

The weather was superb today. It could not be helped...We had to enjoy. We live only a mile or so away: The Pacific was calling out to us.

I warned the boys the water would be cold, and they ought not get too wet or they'd freeze on the bus ride home.

That warning went unheeded.
They were armpit deep before I could blink.

So I decided to ignore them as they splashed on the silky shore. They would eventually thaw. Instead of joining them, I would catch up on my reading and soak--Not in the salt water, but the glorious sun.

Aaaaaaah! So very relaxing!

That wasn't very successful, either.

Surreal...

Our computer is still D-E-A-D, but couldn't NOT write about what I experienced yesterday.
After work at UCLA, I emerged from the children's dental clinic and found about six helicopters circling the skies. All the buses had been rerouted, and I found myself wandering down the streets to find a way to get home to watch Hayden's chorus concert. Traffic had stopped. Sirens wailed. Streets were blocked off. Random people with signs were coming up to anybody who would listen saying, "If you wanna join in, we're converging on the Mormon church!"

...And by "Mormon Church," I knew they meant the Los Angeles Temple, which was just a few blocks away.

As I plodded along, now within a couple of blocks of the temple, and a half a mile from work, more sirens began to wail. On three flat bed trucks, standing ready to jump off as soon as they reached their destination, dozens of police in full riot gear made their way to the sacred, usually serene grounds that people of my faith worship.

Let me make clear, this is not an ordinary meeting house. This is a step beyond--where we make sacred vows to our Heavenly Father; where we kneel across an altar to marry for time and eternity. The interior is usually so quiet, you can almost hear a pin drop. Once patrons enter, they shrug off the cares of the outside world and devote their minds and hearts to prayer, meditation, and learning. The environment is peace and tranquility in its purest essence.

But yesterday, the outside world came clamoring to the temple gates. And with their venom and a form of bigotry I have never experienced before, a SWAT team followed in their wake. 2000-3000 gay and lesbian advocates loudly expressed their disapproval at the outcome of the recent Proposition 8, which put in place a constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage. Wrongfully, they assumed the many members of the church that contributed to the cause had an agenda that included hate.

I thought this picture summed up the hostility that I witnessed very succinctly:
In the background is a sign saying "No on 8... End Hate." I see in the foreground the very personification of hate, as an angry man shouts and incites contention at the top of his lungs.

I have many thoughts on this battle that rages, and I hope you'll indulge me as I purge my system of these thoughts:

1. Can you imagine what would have happened if this protest had been organized in front of a Muslim Mosque or Jewish Synagogue? Or what about in front of one of the Catholic churches or Baptist ministries that inspired "Yes on 8" sentiments to their parishioners? 70% of minorities in California voted "Yes" on this very matter, but you don't see angry protesters yelling horrible insults to Blacks or Hispanics as a whole. One would never even dream of doing such a thing in a state which cries "Tolerance!" for everyone. Apparently, these folks have no tolerance for Mormons, because we are often marginalized and misunderstood. We are thought by many to be a satanic cult, or a dangerous brainwashing machine, hell-bent on converting the populous whether they like it or not. We are often confused with the polygamous FLDS-type sects that wed their 14-year old neighbors. And this, along with an ideology that does not encompass gay marriage (but does NOT diminish gay civil unions), has put us on the radar of many who wish to stir things up against members of our faith.
2. The political process went forth. The majority has spoken. Other states like Florida and Arizona passed similar amendments on the same day. They are not suffering the same insults as we are here in the Left-Coast. I am reminded of a boy who came up to me on my first day of High School in Georgia. He sat down across from me at lunch, peered at me with skepticism and said, "Did y'all have a hard time gettin' dates out thar in California?" When I answered,"No. Why?" He said, "Well, aren't all them guys out there gay?" I was taken aback, because I had not expected that perception of California... Surfer dudes--yes. Gay guys--No. But this is another one of those events that is going to further embitter people about gays and perpetuate the reputation of California as "The Land of Fruits and Nuts."
3. I have no ill will towards gays. I have worked with several. I know them to be regular people who feel deeply about their partners. I am NOT a gay basher because I voted yes on Prop 8. I do NOT feel any hatred toward them. But PLEASE don't spit on my beliefs and desecrate the things that I believe are holy because your cause did not persuade the majority. We are not tyrannical, bigots as you spew in your negative campaigns and protests. We simply believe in the sacred and divine institution of marriage between a man and a woman.

I walked the three-or-so miles home and managed to make it in time for Hayden's concert (which was great, by the way). But I will NEVER forget that walk. I will forever be changed by the imagery of that night: particularly the juxtiposition of the peaceful temple grounds and the SWAT team serving as a blockade to prevent violence on its soil. I now know I live within walking distance of a temple. I have blisters on my feet from the trek, but I know it's really only a stone's throw away. I have no excuse to take it for granted. If the protestors were aiming at putting into doubt my ideology or intimidate people like me into feeling shame at my faith, their plans sorely backfired. I have never desired more to enter those temple doors and shut out the ferocity of the world outside.

If you are interested, you can click on this link to see the LDS church's response to the recent protests.

The Wonderousness That is Autumn

As I browse around at friends' blogs in other parts of the country about how "crisp" and "colorful" and "wonderous" their autumn weather is, I am baking away in Southern California in my shorts and flip-flops, staring at the palm trees that never change color. See that map down below? See the "97" in the darkish red spot? Yah...That's me. That's where I live.

Yay global warming.

Getty Center

One of our new favorite places around here is the Getty Center. This is a ginormous institution devoted to art and archeticture. We went a couple of weeks ago, and went back again today with my Mom and Chuck (These pictures are from the previous trip.) Currently, there is an exhibit of Bernini portraiture: the first ever showing of Bernini's art in North America. We couldn't take pictures at that exhibit due to proprietary rights and blah blah blah, but were able to get up close and personal with gorgeous marble busts, delicately carved into lace garments and the most intricate details of the human face. We also got to poke around within inches of works of art by Van Gough, Monet, Degas, etc.


If I were a better photographer, I would have LOVED to spend all day, pointing my lens at all the amazing little nooks and crannies of the structures that house these priceless works of art. It was creatively inspiring, but alas I have only these pictures to convey my awe at the many lovely things we saw.

DUUUUUDE!

So, like, we've totally lived in La La land for, like, a whole month! It's been bodatious! So the bras were, like, so stoked to get their paws on some excellent new boogie boards. They're, like, "Whoa! Let's totally go to Costco and plunk down some change, Madre!" And I was totally amped, too, so I was, like, "Way cool, little dudes! Let's go!" So we cruised to Venice, got us some sweet boards and headed for the surf.

Whoa! Check out the form on big bra, Nathan. He was, like feelin' it, dude! And we're not talkin' wussy little ankle busters, here. This was big surf! The life guards were totally callin' people in when the curls were gettin' out of control. I mean, this IS where "Baywatch" was filmed. We were careful cuz we didn't wanna have to pull a Hasselhoff or anything. That would WAY suck! And here's little bra in the soup. He was totally chillin' in the tubes... So chillin' he had to thaw on the sand and wait out a few sets before he froze to death. That would have been sooooo bogus!

Dude! Nate was so stoked, he totally lost his head!

He was, like, "Whoa!" And I was, like, "WHOA!" and then he was, like, "whoa."
But we totally found it and everything.

Dude, can you see my shoulders are, like, wasted? Cuz I totally didn't... and they were WAY fried! Muy Rojo! It was soooo heinous!

Lil' Dude was totally recreating the scene from Star Wars Episode III in this picture. Ya know? Where Hayden Christiansen was, like, frying in the lava and was a total a gimp cuz Obi Wan totally cut his arms and legs off, and he was all, "I HATE YOU!" to Obi Wan, and he looked WAY nasty, and then the Emperor totally hooked him up with that sick black helmet dealy and he was all, "Rise!" and then Darth Vader was, like, doing this lame Frankenstein walk out of his bed, and then that was IT! That was, like, how Darth Vader was born, Dude! Anyways, that's what lil' bra was doing in this Kodak.
When they were all nice and toasty, the lil' spongers were soooo ready to shred again! We had a WAY primo day! It was off the Richter!

I Feel The Earth Move Under My Feet: A Public Service Announcement*

California RULES! We have gorgeous weather almost 24/7, the sandy beaches adorn the West side, the Sierra Mountains line the East side, free health care for poor people, and FREE roller coaster rides every few years!!! ... Well, not roller coaster rides, exactly, but it feels like it when a good earthquake hits.

So yesterday we got one of those free rides. Everyone is okay, thanks for asking. I was in the dental clinic with my cohort when the 5.4 rumbler hit. One of the other residents was about to give an injection to a patient when her hand started shaking uncontrollably for some reason. Turns out, everything was shaking. And true to native Californian form, I stood there with a couple of my classmates and watched as the lights swayed back and forth, ready to duck if the ceiling tiles started falling out, but all the while nonchalantly assessing the severity of that particular quake. You see, if it's not above a 6.0, and the epicenter isn't right on top of you, a true Californian does not "duck and cover." We just enjoy the ride! WEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

*This public service announcement should in no way be confused for actual recommendations regarding earthquake safety. Earthquakes are really terrible things. People die, sometimes. Freeways crumble. You should be afraid... Very afraid.

I Think They Could Get Used To This...

Southern California life agrees with them, don't ya think?

Our Neighbor?

Moving to LA LA land, we were fairly certain at some point we'd run into celebrities somewhere: I work at the hospital that Britney Spears was seeking psychiatric treatment... Rumor has it that Owen Wilson lives down the street... I was 5 feet away from the red carpet of the Juno movie premier when I came for my interview... So far, no sightings.

However, there is this car that parks in front of our apartment complex with the license plate "WEE MAN" proudly displayed.

Could this be our neighbor? Wee Man of Jackass fame? Johnny Knoxville's homey? MTV's answer to affirmative action? Delightful.

MTV is about 6 blocks away. Perhaps he was looking to live close to work. If he is our neighbor, I only have one thing to say: "STAY AWAY FROM MY CHILDREN!" If they start piercing their butt cheeks together, I know who to blame!

We're In The Same State, Right?

We get asked this question a lot: "Where are you guys from?"
That's a complicated question, as both Wayne and I have lived up and down California, and have recently made the move again. So for those of you who don't know much about the Golden State, I thought I would share with you a little known secret to outsiders...

There are really two Californias: Northern California and Southern California. They are as different as Krispy Kreme and Tofu. So here is my own little guide to those differences.


Transportation: In No.Cal., you will frequently come across people trying to make a statement with their vehicles. This was a picture we took of a Volkwagon Vanagon that we would see cruising around Marin. Very artistic!








Southern Californians like to make statements with their cars, too. But generally the statement is, "I have more money that you."















And here is another contrast. Northern Californians have A LOT to say... particularly if there is anything liberally biased. I can't tell you how many times we saw "Impeach Bush" bumper stickers. But this picture I stole from Annie Ballard's blog is a very good depiction of the abundance of opinions that are shared via bumper stickers in No.Cal. (Left)

Southern Californians are a bit more understated (Right)









The Coastline:
No.Cal is known for its picturesque, craggy ocean cliffs. The weather is often very chilly, the water is freezing, but the views are astounding. On an average day, a coat or sweater is downright necessary (Left)
So.Cal beaches have gained notoriety for the balmy ocean shores, soft bright sand, and bikini displays on every beach. You are crazy if you have your midriff covered in this "fun in the sun" atmosphere. (Right) Note also how many people are covering the beach compared to No.Cal.












Bralessness (it's a word... look it up): When Northern Californians shun the over-the-shoulder-boulder-holders, it is done as a political movement. Southern Californians don't all need bras because silicone remains fairly perky.











Pets:
Northern Californians are constantly protesting on the behalf of animals all over the world. During my first year of dental school, I had to pass by a sign on Lombard street every day that proudly displayed an aborted sheep fetus that some clothing manufacturer had somehow managed to cause to occur. (I won't even go into the hypocrisy in that billboard.) Basically, No.Cal has a funny "Pets are People" policy. Southern Californians have made pets into the latest fashion accessory.











Finally (and most importantly), how do both regions view trannies? As you may know, transvestites are a fairly common part of San Francisco living. I think I saw at least one just about every day I was in the city. Some were over-the-top flamboyant; some were "feminist-chic" wherein the he/she would wear everyday casual girl clothes but were so obviously dudes; others managed to pull it off quite nicely, and you would do a double take as soon as she spoke and sounded like Barry White. But here in L.A., the trannies are fierce, as demonstrated by Brad Pitt's fabulocity in this picture. Now there is a man comfortable with his manhood!











So to answer the question, where are we from?

Wayne was born in No.Cal (Vallejo), left the state (Hawaii), did most of his growing up in So.Cal (Carlsbad), moved up to No.Cal in high school and early college (Cobb Mountain/Santa Rosa).

I was born in So.Cal (Santa Monica), did most of my growing up in No.Cal (Santa Rosa/Sacramento), left the state (Georgia), came back to No. Cal for college, married Wayne, moved to So.Cal for 12 years, moved back up to No.Cal for dental school, moved back down to Santa Monica for post-grad residency, and will finally settle back up in No.Cal in two years.

Got it?

It's Getting There...

Thought you might like to see the progress we're making on the move. Living Room is done, office and bedrooms are nearing the finish line, and kitchen is still without fridge, but close to completion. Here are some pics of the new digs.

Wayne put together both of the book shelves in the living room. Only one part was screwed in upside down. BTW, the couches are NOT hot pink (can you imagine how that would go over in my house full of boys?). It is dark red. For some reason the picture makes it looks very frou-frou.

I can't believe how much space we have here. And I love the wood floors! We will probably add an area rug by the couch.

Here is the view from the dining room. You can see through the open doorway on the left into the office (which is where the front door opens into.) You can also see at the top of this picture, a lovely light fixture we have affectionately named "The Glory of the Sun." It is this gaudy, bling-a-rific chandelier that could easily rival the movie premier flood lights that are seen so regularly in this neck of the woods. Seriously, I'm afraid the light shining through my windows may accidentally signal planes to land. It's horrendous! And how the *bleep* do you keep all those little twinkly dangly things clean? Aye, me!

Here it is in all it's glory. It's that glare that looks like an atomic bomb just exploded above my kitchen table. Tres chic!

Let me just say how great the boys have been in helping with this massive undertaking. Almost all of the boxes have been unpacked, and their empty remains placed in the recycling bins. I even opened up a package to assemble an office chair, and Hayden completed the task unassisted! He was even the first to try it out, so I know it's not boobie trapped.

So what's my motivational secret?
Agreeing to let them pool their money together to get an X-box 360 when everything is done. The boys have been saving up all their cash, and I promised that when all the boxes had been emptied, we could head over to Costco to make the big purchase. I've never seen them so completely driven... especially Wayne!

Amber Alert!!!

Have you seen this boy?

Name: Timmy

Height: 1'2" standing (but he is confined to a wheelchair, so it's more like 9" most of the time)

Weight: 1.4 lbs. soaking wet

Distinguishing Features: Vacant eyes; Huge cranium (we suspect hydrocephaly as the root of his diminished mental capacity); Tiny, shriveled legs, Responds to his name but can only reply with and enthusiastic, "TIMMY!" or if he is sad, a despondent "timmy" may escape his lips.

Last seen with: His big brother Nathan, who took him out onto the playground in front of our old apartment to document Timmy's last moments in San Rafael. We always suspected Nathan was a bit jealous, given Timmy's obvious special needs, but had no idea he would go so far as to abandon his poor, helpless brother! Whether due to neglect or downright vindictiveness, Nathan will be dealt with harshly.










Though we suspect Timmy is gone forever, we hold out some hope that he will make his way back to us in our new home in Southern California. He has been with us on many family adventures: Disneyland, Knotts, Universal Studios. We felt it only fitting that we document his journey to Santa Monica. We are sickened and saddened at the prospect of our special little boy sitting helplessly atop the slide, waiting for his big brother (whom he once admired and adored) to pack him in the car for our journey South.

If you have any information regarding Timmy's whereabouts, please post a comment. Your attention in this matter is much appreciated!

No Longer Homeless

Hayden said, as he looked around our barren apartment in San Rafael on Friday, "We don't have a home now!" Though he knew full well we were heading to a new place to live the next day, he was struck by the gravity of having every last one of his possessions crammed into a U-Haul.

But, much to Hayden's relief... We're Here!!!!

We arrived safely and without much incident.

Well, most of us, anyway...

We are sad to say we lost a very dear member of our little family along the way. It has been a catastrophe of epic proportions, let me tell you. More to come on that subject soon.

Our apartment is huge. Our boxes are plentiful. We still have to find a fridge and a microwave... Our move seems it has only just begun! Back to work....

Checking out our new home...

We had a pretty great time in Santa Monica. The weather was gorgeous, and I had NO SCHOOLWORK to think about. Hence the spastic, good fun in the hotel with the boys. We stayed right next to UCLA and took a little journey to the beach and around Westwood. We also went to church on Easter Sunday in a ward that could potentially be home. ...Maybe... They weren't very friendly. As our stake president would say, we sat on the "Bench of the All-Alone." When I told my sister this, she said, "That wasn't very Mormon of them!" That was only a minor detail, though. All told, Santa Monica was SO much fun and so beautiful.

We went to Santa Monica Pier. The beach was HUGE! I can't wait to live just a few minutes from this site in a few months. Maybe I can actually get a tan!


See no evil, Speak no evil, Hear no evil ... or hear anything for that matter.

The boys were fascinated with all the things they could do to make themselves look foolish with this cannon displayed at the boardwalk. Okay...I'm really not one to talk after the "Wondernerds" picture at the hotel!
So many cool sights to see!Are the boys happy to be moving again?
Not entirely, but this was a fun step in the right direction.