Thanks A Lot!

Thanksgiving rocks! It always changes my perspective a bit. Perhaps it's the prospect of all of my favorite comfort foods spread before me in a single act of gluttony that makes me think about all the little things that give me satisfaction throughout the day.

I used toilet paper today and thought to myself, "I am thankful for toilet paper." Of all things, that phrase actually sprang to mind. Right now I'm reading a book about a family surviving the Congo who exist with very little in the way of creature comforts, so maybe my normal hygiene practices were just standing out in sharp contrast to the fictional characters that have been filling my thoughts of late. My point being (and I do actually have a point): I have a lot of things in this world that I often take for granted. 'Tis the season to be thankful, so thankful I will be. Here are 10 random modern conveniences I choose to look at in a different light, given the upcoming Thanksgiving holiday:

1. Hot water. Our plumbing has problems, and I took several cold showers recently. I don't like them. I want to come out of the bath with bright pink, slightly scalded skin. The problem has been fixed. I am thankful.
2. A driver's license. I used to be really freaked out about driving. Now I can hop in the car and go anywhere I need to go... as long as I have enough gas money.
3. A vegetable peeler. It's stupid, but while we've been living this student lifestyle, we've sacrificed a lot of things. For a very long time, I went without a vegetable peeler because my old one broke and I was too cheap to pay for a new one. Now I don't have to eat carrots with leftover dirt on the outside. Happy Birthday to me.
4. Modern medicine. Itchy throat? Loratidine, Claritin, Benadryl. Cramps? Tylenol, Midol, Ibuprofen. Impaled armpit? Neosporine and disposable band-aids.
   
5. Roadside assistance. I don't know how to change a flat. I don't have to.
6. Chewing gum... sugarless, of course. Fresh breath anytime, anywhere... except while public speaking. I hate it when people do that.
   
7. I HATE moving, and I am glad we are reaching a point in our lives that we will do that much less, but I am grateful for the chance to have lived near some really interesting places, and that we have had a freeway system and U-Hauls to help us do it fairly easily.
8. The grocery store. I can buy stuff like starfruit, guinea fowl, and gouda cheese. I personally don't buy any of those things... but if I want to, I can do so easily.
   
9. Alarm clocks. I'm so glad I don't have to own a rooster to wake me up every morning. That would REALLY suck in an apartment!
10. And this is not so much a modern convenience, but I think about it often: I am grateful that my children have all their body parts and they are all in the proper places. I work with the craniofacial team at the hospital sometimes. Many of the kids I see have to have surgery to create ears, or move their eye sockets from the side of their head to the place they're supposed to be. My husband has no left thumb. My kids are lucky they have none of these things to worry about.

"The pilgrims made seven times more graves than huts. No Americans have ever been more impoverished than these who, nevertheless, set aside a day of thanksgiving."
~H.P. Westermayer

To The Great Ones of Parenting

For those of you that don't know, my children are geniuses... At least that's what the grandparents think.

Well, I thought so too when my Kindergartener started reading my Biology textbooks and could succinctly explain to me what the differences between polyp and sessile cnidarians were. Or when Nathan spelled the words "myocardial infarction" a few months after he got bored with "Hop on Pop."

People used to say, "How did you do it?" "How come you have such miraculously intelligent children?" I would chuckle silently to myself because I knew the real secret: They liked T.V. and poop jokes.

I did read to my kids a lot. But I also found other teachers to help me out. For instance, I would often let Steve from "Blue's Clues" read to the kids via Closed Captioning. When you live in a small apartment, and your husband is hard of hearing, those annoying little words that scroll across the screen when you're watching a loud movie can be quite handy. They are also handy when your toddler is plopped down in front of The Tube while Mommy is performing her slumlord duties. I didn't really think anything of it, until one day Nathan said, "Mommy, can you turn the words off the T.V.? I can't stop reading them and I want to watch the show." "Why, of course not, Nathan. They are doing my job for me so I can artfully neglect you while I collect rent."

The other mechanism by which I fed my kids' intellect (can you call it that?) is by letting them read as many "Captain Underpants" books as they could get their little paws on. Earlier tonight, they were reminiscing about the amazing exploits of Dav Pilke's characters: "Do you remember the time when Deputy Doo Doo turned into poo and then somebody stepped on him and he was flat?" *giggle, giggle, giggle* "Do you remember when he got into a nuclear power plant and mutated into a giant turd? and then Captain Underpants saved the day by attacking him with toilet paper?" *hee hee hee*
Emily Dickinson, eat your heart out.

So, yes... My kids are very smart. But I owe a big debt of gratitude to the great ones that aided me in my parenting. Thank you, Super Diaper Baby and Deputy Doo Doo. Thank you, Blue and Steve. May my children carry on your legacy throughout the remainder of their lives.

They're doing a pretty good job already, doncha think?

The Whole Boring Month With One Almost Exciting Highlight

This blog has been D.O.A. for the past month. And I'll bet you thought, "Gee. Shana is usually so faithful about these things! She must have had a REALLY exciting month that kept her from dutifully blogging!"

*insert obnoxious buzzer noise here*

WRONG!!!

There has been lots going on, but nothing exciting. Basically, it just boils down to lots of work, the Primary program, and wading through 200 applications for prospective pedo residents...

Oh yeah... and a Halloween-slash-birthday, wherein I have magically maintained my chronic age of 29.

Oh yeah, and Wayne said Bono was in the DMV on the day I was renewing my driver's license (but didn't point him out to me because he was afraid I would totally freak out in the DMV. AS IF...!!!)

So, since I have nothing of value to offer the blogging world as of now, I pose this very important question to you--my 3 loyal readers of this blog:

If you were in the DMV (the most boringest place in the whole wide world), and in walks your spouse's most favoritest celebrity in the whole wide world (...well, maybe Larry Mullen Jr. is a little more favoriter, but that's beside the point...), and you know she has been lusting, I mean admiring this celebrity since she was 11 years old, and you know she is having a crappy week because she has to work for 12 days straight and this is, like, day 5 of that span of time... Would you point said celebrity out? Would you do it in spite of a possible scene involving high pitched squealing and jumping up and down, which would inevitably become obvious to the 100 or so people in the DMV because the mood there is very Shaun-of-the-Dead zombie-esque and squealing with delight is kind of the antithesis of the typical DMV ambiance?

If you answered "Helz NO! I wouldn't allow my spouse to make such a dang fool of herself just to say she saw Bono at the DMV!" ...then we are no longer friends.

If you answered, "Shiz YAH! That's the most exciting thing that could ever happen at the DMV! Not to mention Bono would have been even more excited than when he won the Nobel Peace Prize to have some random housewife fawning over him while he stands in Line 14-F to get fingerprinted and photographed!" ...then you can still be my friend.

Wayne is going to suffer for this one for a loooooong time.