WOMAN! FIX ME A CHICKEN POT PIE!!!

Wayne is no chauvanist. How could he be when he currently answers the question "Present Employment" as "Mr. Mom?" But just to keep me on my toes, and just so I can periodically appreciate how good I have it, he will often shout this exclaimation in jest when he is hungry:

WOMAN! FIX ME A CHICKEN POT PIE!!!

So I did.

Hope you had a wonderful Father's Day, Baby.

Open Letter to my Sons

To Hayden:
It's tough being the youngest child... Constantly reaching towards maturity, but still wanting to hang on tightly to innocence and playfulness. It's tough growing up when you're the last in the family to have to do it. It's even tougher when your greatest example has been wise beyond his years, almost doing you a disservice by his watchful, protective hand. He has kept you from many of the growing pains that are inherent in this transition from childhood, seeing the many other kinds of pains you have endured in your youth.

It's not easy learning what real friends are when you've had bullies tormenting you for years. But you have them. You have good friends who care about you and are pulling for you: friends who have often experienced similar situations and have come out of them with strong identities. Don't overlook their caring expressions of friendship. Don't be so gun-shy that you misunderstand their outreach as something sinister. Grow up with them. It's easier to do together.

Hayden, you have one of the most caring, generous souls I have ever met. I aspire to your level of concern for others. You truly have the potential to be the peacemaker in our family, as your infant blessing foretold. You are such a treasure, and I can't imagine this family without the spice and joy that you add to the mix.

Good luck in Middle School, Son. Stay organized and alert, and don't live life in fear. If you manage to accomplish these simple goals, you will go incredibly far in life. I love you.

To Nathan:

You have certainly taken the proverbial lemons and made some mighty-fine lemonaid. I am so pleased that you chose to learn from the tough lessons of last year's academic downturn and risen-- nay, soared to the occasion at your new school. Your former choices to become apathetic and disorganized for a brief time are but a distant memory. I am thrilled to see the scholastic Rock Star return. Good luck in high school honor's classes.

Thank you for being such a good citizen of the world. You have been an example to others through your service and your caring, tolerant attitude. Your little brother has never been a burden to you, but a joyful companion. For that, we are all grateful. I love to hear you make him laugh, as his high pitched giggle is infectious.

We've arrived in the realm of your development where parents are wholly uncool. Yet (for the most part) you have remained respectful and continue to honor us. And for that I thank you. We may suck for a time in your mind, but never forget that our intentions are purely to bring you toward becoming a good man-- a goal which you are well on your way to achieving. I love you.

And to both of my boys:

I know how hard it has been to move so many times over the years. Inadvertantly, I have practically turned you into Army brats... never really giving you a home to settle into. My only hope is that the diversity of your experiences and the chance to learn to adapt will afford you life's lessons that would have otherwise gone untapped. I pray that you will love our final destination next year, and will enjoy the chance to put down roots without experiencing wanderlust. It might be awkward just staying in one place for so long.

I am so proud of you both. I love watching the young men that you are becoming, and have enjoyed the entire process of watching your development along the way. I will look forward to the next few steps, though my influence over you will quickly wane as you embark upon your last years living at home. I love you both more than words can possibly convey. Never forget that, no matter how old or independent you may become.

Love,

Mommy

Now come over here and give me a kiss or I'll kick your teeth in.

One More Secretion Down...

1. Getting puked on... Check

2. Getting peed on... Check

3. Getting spit at... Check

4. Having a giant booger blown at me...

Check.

Just another day at the office.

Happy 14th Birthday, Nate!

You used to be such a cute little guy...

What happened to you?

Nothing Like Waiting 'Till the Last Minute

"Hey, Mommy! Guess what? Tomorrow is the International Day festival at school, and we're performing a song."

"Great Hayden. What time?"

"I don't know. Let me dig out this flyer that has been getting smashed in my bookbag for the last week and a half and I'll tell you... Oh, and by the way, I have to have a costume that shows my family's heritage or I can't perform with the group."

"Hold on! What was that last part?!?"

"We all have to wear costumes that show the place where our family is from."

"I don't think we have anything like that, Hayden."

"Then we have to make one. YOU CAN SEW!"

"Let's see, Hayden. You're part German, so I could just whip up some lederhosen, and I'm sure we have a beer stein laying around somewhere. OR we could go the more modern route, since my great grandfather came to America to escape the Third Reich and just stick a swastika on your arm... Though I'm pretty sure THAT wouldn't be well recieved...

"You are also part Swedish, so we could dress you in a bikini and say you are from the Swedish bikini team."

"Moooo-oooom!!!"

"Or how 'bout this, Hayden? Since Daddy just found out he's 1/16 Native American, we could dress you up in a stereotypical feather headdress and offend all the rabid P.C. Southern Californians that banned the celebration of Thanksgiving at public schools for such garb last year."

"Whatever."

~~~~~

Given the options, we thought the bloodthirsty Vikings were representative enough of our culture and heritage. What is a child of Northern European ancestry to do?

37 different countries were represented. Though I became a little nervous when they started passing the microphone around to have the kids say something in their country's native tongue. The only thing Hayden knows in Swedish is "ludefisk."

Much tastier that ludefisk: Hayden shows his best Viking manners as he plows through one of the treats from the Mexican food stand.

Nathan needed to jump into the act.

~~~~~

Tickets to buy tasty international cuisine in support of the local PTA: $20

Duct Tape/ Milk Carton/ Shopping Bag Viking Costume: $2.5o

Reconnecting with your savage roots: Priceless

Move Over Michael Jackson...

...Your cute factor has been usurped. Of course I refer to the Michael Jackson of the 1970's: The "Jackson 5" M.J.... The one with a nose and a human face... prior to his fascination with Mccully Culkin and "Bubbles" the hideous primate. I speak of the time when his prepubescent voice actually made those high notes sound appropriate.

Hayden went to the middle school yesterday to check out his future surroundings. When we asked him how it went, his only reply (said with a curious smirk on his face) was, "All the girls said I was cute!" Probed further, we asked him "Which girls?" "All of them," was his answer. He seemed baffled and a little twitterpated at the same time.

He went on to solidify the cute factor last night as he sang his adorable little guts out at his school concert. This is the video which includes his 15 seconds of fame.

So M.J., there's a new "Wiz" in town. And he's WAAAAAAY cuter than you!