A Very Stinky Bum

Today, as I left work, I made a comment to this effect: "I sure hope I don't get stuck in traffic while I ride the bus home...Especially if I'm stuck next to somebody with B.O."

Well, karma gave me a sturdy round-house kick in the face, as I learned all about the other kinds of smells one can become acquainted with while using public transportation.


I was sitting about half way back on the bus, and had passed a few stops, when a 60+ year old man entered through the front doors. Before he put his money in, he stood in the center isle near the driver and announced, "I apologize, everyone! I didn't get a chance to go to the bathroom!" He then proceeded to rummage through his pocket and find enough change to continue his ride, sat down in the first seat, as I sat about 10 feet away pondering his announcement.

I wasn't left to ponder for long, as a WAVE of fecal aroma suddenly hit everybody in my general vicinity. It was SO pungent, that people (including myself) were waving things in front of them, began frantically opening windows, and very swiftly vacating the seats nearest the olfactory offense.

As he sat up at the front of the bus, he began a vehement rant that continued for the duration of my ride. I'm sure the voices in his head were very receptive, but the rest of the passengers were not. He was given a wide perimeter, as oncoming passengers entered, plunked their change in the meter, started towards the open seats, caught a whiff, and gagged all the way towards the far end of the bus.

I couldn't help but think I had just met the inspiration for this character today.

(At least his refuse wasn't floating around in a jar.)

I'll Answer Your Question With a Question...

I found this on Shellie's blog, and I'm totally jealous of her 51 comments, so here it goes...

The game is like this:

I ask a question.

The first person to read this post will leave the answer to my question in the comments and then ask a new question.

The next person answers that question and leaves a new question...

And around and around we go.

I'm not talking life-altering, meaning of life questions...Just random musings that pop into your head. Don't be shy. The more personalities that weigh in on these important topics, the better.

~~~~

What animal do you most closely resemble and why?

Pontifications About Pop Culture That Keep Me Up At Night (...no wonder I'm an insomniac)

What's the deal with pomegranates? How come they have become so popular these days? Has there been some boon in the pomegranate harvest that precludes a rash of products like pomegranate jams, soaps, air fresheners, juices, frozen yogurts, sodas, etc.? Did Oprah do a special pomegranate episode featuring the antioxidant properties of the fruit? Has there been some newly developed gadget in pomegranate harvesting technology? Did the pomegranate lobby somehow find its way to Washington? I love pomegranates...always have. But seriously, WHAT HAPPENED? Why is it that all of a sudden they are everywhere?



Is Batman really a superhero, or just a rich dude with cool gadgets? And is it just me, or is it not totally obvious that Bruce Wayne is Batman just by looking at his teeth? I mean, their dentition is identical! ...Okay...Maybe it is just me, but I had a very difficult time watching the latest movie without fixating on that fact.


Why didn't Edward freak out every time Bella was on her period? Is Tampax really THAT absorbent? (Sorry boys. I hope I didn't offend too much!)


What kind of quandaries keep you up at night?

Poor Little Bunny

My Valentine's Day was spent like this...

Please get better soon, Honey. It's so sad to see you like this.

Plus, I'm tired of all of the snot.

Another Day at the Office

Rarely do I get a reaction quite like this...
This is CLASSIC!!!


Be sure to watch the remix, too.

Ooey, Gooey, Sappy Love Songs

Since most of you don't have access to Diana's blog (she attempts to protect her family from lurking creepy pervs by keeping it private), I thought I'd include this snippet from her tag. Wish I were this creative and could come up with prompts like this...
"Let's not deny it. When you fancy no one can hear you with the water pouring down around your ears and a locked door between you and the rest of humanity, you might get a little overconfident in your singing abilities. Maybe lose some of those inhibitions that hold you back. And you sound good my friend. I mean real good. So good you sort of wish a talent scout would accidentally wander into your house because you know he would be blown away by that shockingly awesome voice of yours. Perhaps you should invest in a karoke machine. Perhaps you should try out for American Idol. Perhaps..."you're worrying the children. Are you wounded?"

Here's to those songs that enhance all your embarassing moments, those songs so cheesy they give Velveeta a run for its money, those songs that make you laugh and dry-heave and break out in melodramatic song simultaneously. Here are my nominated "Top Five Sappiest Love Songs You Sing in the Shower"... Because you know you do."

---

I don't really sing in the shower (I am usually too bleary eyed), but if I did... And I were feeling particularly sappy, here's what the neighbors would hear:

1. "Part of Your World" from the Little Mermaid
2. "Unforgettable" by Nat King Cole
3. "Right Here Waiting" by Richard Marx
4. "Someone to Watch Over Me" by George Gershwin
5. ...I'm not proud of it... "The Greatest Love of All" by Whitney Houston

I tag Natalie, Candice, and Clancy

Wayne Is Sick...

Confessions of a Control Freak

There were always signs that I had some control issues.

I used to have an imaginary friend. His(?) name was Croovy. My mom used to watch me out the window as I played in our backyard with Croovy... And by playing, I mean wagging my finger at him and bossing him around. I don't remember Croovy, but he was apparently my means of asserting toddler power.

It seems I liked to boss imaginary pirates around too. I remember getting busted for writing a message to some particularly heinous bad guys on my basement door with pencil. It said simply, "NO, YOU!!!" as in, "No! You villainous scum! Get away from my ship or suffer unimaginable pain at my wrath!" I'm sure the bad guys complied, but my parents didn't think I was all that terrifying. They yelled at me and found it strangely easy to punish me, despite my alarming graffiti threats to all that stood in my way.

But then came my sister. She took the place of all things imaginary. I loved to make a living, breathing being do my bidding. "Hey Amy. Taste this and see if it's rotten." ...And dutifully, she would obey. "Amy, smell my feet! They smell like roses!" ...And curiously she would comply... again and again. When we would act out the Brady Bunch, I was always Marsha, and I insisted she be Cindy. She once tried to assert herself by requesting that she take the part of Jan for once. "Nope. You are the youngest and I am the oldest, so you will be Cindy and I will be Marsha." Jan never had the chance to appear in our little play sessions while "Marsha! Marsha! Marsha!" called the shots.
And then my Napoleonic complex took the form of fighting over boys. In nursery school, there was a boy named John that caught my eye. Unfortunately, he also caught Stephanie Mihele's eye, too. One day, she and John were sitting atop the wide, two-seater slide on the playground. They had no intention of sliding down. They just sat there, perched in position and talking to each other. So I pushed her down the slide and maneuvered my way into an easy conversation with John, the competition now staring incredulously from the base of the slide.
Maybe it's a big sister thing... Or maybe it's because I'm so short and I have felt I had to prove that I am to be taken seriously, despite my miniature appearance. Whatever the case may be, I am a frightening creature, indeed.

These Animals Bite!

After a fine evening of pampering with my sister, we ventured to the San Diego Wild Animal park to enjoy the 85 degree weather during the long MLK day weekend. Just as we were approaching the entrance, I heard somebody holler my name. Unfortunately, my first thought was, "Oh crap! The only people that might still know me in Escondido are probably people I once evicted!" I was delighted to find that those beckoning me were dear family members: Carlton, Piper and Maddie--all wild animals in their own right!

Here's proof that my kids are jack asses:

The kids had a fabulous time spinning each other into oblivion in these empty tortoise shells. Once Carlton got them going, I was sure someone was going to lose their lunch, but the little animals proved me wrong.

Caleb and Amy take a more serene pose on the shells.

Oh yah. This kid LOVES me!

It was a great little coincidence! Glad we ran into you guys! And Carlton, be sure to call when "The History of Toilet Paper" airs. I'll be waiting.