List of Several People Whose Mouths I Can't Stand Looking At and How My Pet Peeve of Nasty Teeth Can Somehow Be Incorporated Into Politics

It's a hazard of my profession...
Once I started studying dentistry, I began to view the world through a completely different lens. Whenever I'm talking to someone, whenever I'm watching movies, whenever I look at photographs, the FIRST thing I notice is someone's mouth. So much so, that I have mentally composed a list of people whose mouths I can't stand. Here is that list so that I may pass on my dental OCD to all 12 of my regular blog readers:

1. Let's start with the obvious: Jon Heder. If anybody could be a poster child for what happens to your kids if they mouth breathe for too long, Napoleon Dynamite would be IT. The poor guy can't even close his lips together, he has had such a disfiguring amount of growth in his maxilla (top jaw). It doesn't help that he has largish, chicklet teeth on display as well.

2. And speaking of largish teeth, let's talk Jake Busey AKA Mr. Ed.
'Nuff said, Ed.













3. Another Mouth Breather: Michael Phelps. So here's your public service announcement folks... If you don't want you kids to have long narrow faces, wicked crooked teeth, and you want them to have the ability to close their lips together, take them to the doctor if they can't breath through their nose!!!!! They could still win Olympic gold, but they will look like this:

4. Kirsten Dunst is a lovely girl. But whenever I see her, I can't help but fixate on her lateral incisors. Class I, Division II is the exact name for this little orthodontic problem. That's where her two front teeth sit back a little while the eye teeth on either side flare out. Maybe Spiderman would've given you more sexy kisses in the rain if you had those fixed, Kirsten.
5. Matthew Fox has the same problem as Kirsten, but I couldn't find a good picture of his upper front teeth. This picture of him as "Racer X" shows one of my other problems watching his mouth when he speaks... He has one crooked lower incisor that sits waaaaay behind the others. Sometimes when Dr. Jack Shepherd is bossing people around on the "Lost" island, it looks like he's got a tooth missing and he suddenly transforms into a hillbilly. Come on! They've got a dentist trapped on that island for crying out loud! Too bad Bernard, DDS didn't get stranded with his high speed and Cerac machine, because there are several fellow survivors that could use his handiwork...
6. Here's another of the "Lost" causes: Evangeline Lilly and her super-white front rabbit teeth. This one was bugging me so much, I actually googled "Kate + Lost + Front Teeth" and learned that one of her front teeth was knocked out long ago. It appears they veneered the other front tooth to match the bad prosthetic, and voila... Bugs Bunny.
6. Dominic Monaghan's mouth bugged the crap out of me as a Hobbit and again on "Lost." It's not so much the teeth as it is the lower jaw shift to the right and the ginormous underbite. He's a great case for early orthodontics (For you dentists out there, let's talk functional shifts due to traumatic anterior occlusion).
7. And finally, we arrive at the Big Kahuna of teeth that annoy the h-e-double-hockey-sticks out of me... Tom Cruise, who has the WORST midline deviation known to man. It appears he is missing his left canine, hence all of his teeth wandered over into that direction, and now he has a tooth smack dab in the middle of his face. DRIVES ME NUTS!!! But not as nuts as he is.
8. Everybody British. Sorry, blokes... you are all doomed to appear in the "Big Book of British Smiles" a la Simpsons hilarity.




So I'll conclude with this post with one last bit of food for thought: As we consider Universal Health Care and examine England as our nation's model... Do we want to include dentistry in the package?

How's that working out for you, Amy Winehouse?

Mom, DDS

Earlier this summer, Nathan celebrated a monumental occasion. After 10 months of ortho, the braces came off. I know, I know... All of you suckers out there who suffered through 4 years of wires and bands can whine all you want, but your dentist just didn't have the mad skillz that Nathan's did. (Har har har.) Wayne was on hand to capture the torture... I mean treatment, as we took all kinds of impressions for study models and retainers, etc.

It all started out fine and dandy.
...Gave him a little alginate facial as a perk.

Hayden wanted in on the action, too.

Big baby.

I look like I'm having WAAAAAY too much fun at his expense, don't I?

Capture that vestibule!

You can run...

But ya can't hide.

He certainly liked the end result.

Now what else can I do to them for practice? Anybody up for some wisdom tooth extractions?

Since Wayne Never Went to Prom

...I thought we could recreate the experience.

Only a few differences that I noticed...

1. My date showed up on time. Not like the time for Junior Prom when my date gouged his hand on the Saran Wrap cutter and had to stop the bleeding before putting on his rented tux and then made us late so we couldn't go play putt-putt golf with all of our friends in our finery and then barely made our dinner reservations and sat by the entrance to the kitchen while the flippy door with the window slammed next to our table nonstop. Yah. That was a hoot.
   
2. No corsages or boutonnieres.
3. Wayne didn't pick me up in a borrowed Toyota Selica with a steering wheel made of shiny chrome chains... Cuz that was better than my date's car, sadly.
   
4. I didn't spend hours in the beauty salon with all my girlfriends and didn't put any decal rhinestones on my fingernails.
5. No rhinestones. Period.
6. Probably most notably... Our son was taking the pictures... and he'll be going to prom in less than three years!

U R a QT. Luv U 4-ever!

Just for fun, here's a picture of the bleeder. And BTW, I was upset at the hairstylist for not making my bangs poufy enough. And as another side note, I made my dress so that I could learn how to sew. Stunning taffeta, eh?

How to Have the Perfect Weekend

Wake your kids up at 4:00 in the morning by flashing a camera in their faces.









Escape L.A. traffic and enjoy the sunrise in the Mojave Desert.Exert your influence as a parent by allowing your children to rock out to questionable music.



After the 12 hour car ride, release all of your pent up energy by seeing how many cousins it would take to trample Uncle Chad.

Enjoy the estrogen while you can. Read lots of books and sing songs with little girls who enjoy princesses and who don't make sound effects at the dinner table... Unless you have just discovered that burping at the dinner table is considered funny and then do it 6000 times (Avery... I'm looking in your direction, though I noticed you are not in this picture.)

Be sure you are looking fabulous at all times. Maybe a kind and wonderful auntie could paint your nails. Be sure you show them to everyone in your nearby vicinity any time they look your direction.
Caravan up to a gorgeous, semi-private lake 7500 feet above sea level during perfect weather conditions and let the children loose on the great outdoors.

Dig in perfectly soft sandy shores and make sand castles... But if you're Hayden, and your neighboring sand castle is going to be built by Uncle Chad, you must first arm yourself with an arsenal of dirt balls to protect your beachfront property.

Head to the water and enjoy some tubing and smack talk.

Make sure your tube is not "too round..." Just ask Diana.
Find someone to hold on to and HIT IT!
Make sure your tongue is working properly, as this is key to your success on the water.
Enjoy the view.

Gloat.
Gloat some more and laugh a lot.

Relax with some great friends who happen to be related to you.
Hang on tight to cute babies dressed up in flotation devices that look like oversized cocoons.

Soak in a nice warm tub, because you are dirty and sore from one of the best weekends EVER!
As you head out the door, force the children to take one last picture and make them pretend to be enjoying it. You can accomplish this by encouraging them to say, "POOPIES!"

Don't forget the other fun events not pictured:

• Tell silly stories and play games around the camp fire. Roast marshmallows while injecting the phrase "That's what she said!" as many times as is humanly possible into polite conversation.
• Make a really embarrassing attempt at playing badminton. Blame it on your defective racket when you can't hit the birdie over the net.
• Freak out all unsuspecting parents in the house by playing a video of a temper tantrum while checking out facebook in the other room.
• Listen to hymns blasting over the loudspeakers of the "Hobby Lobby" on a Saturday night.
  
• Eat jello salad!

Thanks for the frickin' AWESOME weekend, Diana and Andy!!!!

Our Family Is Vacationing in Utah...

...and all that that implies.