Once I started studying dentistry, I began to view the world through a completely different lens. Whenever I'm talking to someone, whenever I'm watching movies, whenever I look at photographs, the FIRST thing I notice is someone's mouth. So much so, that I have mentally composed a list of people whose mouths I can't stand. Here is that list so that I may pass on my dental OCD to all 12 of my regular blog readers:
1. Let's start with the obvious: Jon Heder. If anybody could be a poster child for what happens to your kids if they mouth breathe for too long, Napoleon Dynamite would be IT. The poor guy can't even close his lips together, he has had such a disfiguring amount of growth in his maxilla (top jaw). It doesn't help that he has largish, chicklet teeth on display as well.
2. And speaking of largish teeth, let's talk Jake Busey AKA Mr. Ed.'Nuff said, Ed.
3. Another Mouth Breather: Michael Phelps. So here's your public service announcement folks... If you don't want you kids to have long narrow faces, wicked crooked teeth, and you want them to have the ability to close their lips together, take them to the doctor if they can't breath through their nose!!!!! They could still win Olympic gold, but they will look like this:
4. Kirsten Dunst is a lovely girl. But whenever I see her, I can't help but fixate on her lateral incisors. Class I, Division II is the exact name for this little orthodontic problem. That's where her two front teeth sit back a little while the eye teeth on either side flare out. Maybe Spiderman would've given you more sexy kisses in the rain if you had those fixed, Kirsten.
5. Matthew Fox has the same problem as Kirsten, but I couldn't find a good picture of his upper front teeth. This picture of him as "Racer X" shows one of my other problems watching his mouth when he speaks... He has one crooked lower incisor that sits waaaaay behind the others. Sometimes when Dr. Jack Shepherd is bossing people around on the "Lost" island, it looks like he's got a tooth missing and he suddenly transforms into a hillbilly. Come on! They've got a dentist trapped on that island for crying out loud! Too bad Bernard, DDS didn't get stranded with his high speed and Cerac machine, because there are several fellow survivors that could use his handiwork...
6. Here's another of the "Lost" causes: Evangeline Lilly and her super-white front rabbit teeth. This one was bugging me so much, I actually googled "Kate + Lost + Front Teeth" and learned that one of her front teeth was knocked out long ago. It appears they veneered the other front tooth to match the bad prosthetic, and voila... Bugs Bunny.
6. Dominic Monaghan's mouth bugged the crap out of me as a Hobbit and again on "Lost." It's not so much the teeth as it is the lower jaw shift to the right and the ginormous underbite. He's a great case for early orthodontics (For you dentists out there, let's talk functional shifts due to traumatic anterior occlusion).
7. And finally, we arrive at the Big Kahuna of teeth that annoy the h-e-double-hockey-sticks out of me... Tom Cruise, who has the WORST midline deviation known to man. It appears he is missing his left canine, hence all of his teeth wandered over into that direction, and now he has a tooth smack dab in the middle of his face. DRIVES ME NUTS!!! But not as nuts as he is.
8. Everybody British. Sorry, blokes... you are all doomed to appear in the "Big Book of British Smiles" a la Simpsons hilarity.
So I'll conclude with this post with one last bit of food for thought: As we consider Universal Health Care and examine England as our nation's model... Do we want to include dentistry in the package?
How's that working out for you, Amy Winehouse?
13 comments:
Jason does this all the time too. I never knew why some of these people were unattractive to me. Now I know it is the teeth.
HI-LARIOUS! I have the habit of watching people's mouths also. I'm surprised Kris Allen from American Idol isn't on your list with his jaw shift.
I missed that season of AI. I'm sure it would have bugged me to no end and I would have ended up voting for the Guyliner contestant just to spite him.
Okay, this is so funny I can hardly stand it!
I just Googled "bad teeth" and was amazed to see what came up. I found a few links to a posts similar to yours. Some of your pics are on those lists, and there are more.
I can't believe you didn't mention Jewel, or Steve Buscemi (shot in the jaw guy from Fargo)!
I guess you had to limit your list cuz it probably could've been huge given the bad teeth out there.
Love you tons! Thanks for a good laugh for the day.
Steve Buscemi is ugly on so many levels, I didn't even think it was fair to include him. Jewel, certainly qualifies. A few others that came to mind: Elliot Yamin (even worse since he got hideous crowns to try to cover up his ortho problem), Taylor Swift and Hillary Duff (who both got ugly veneers), and Tiger Woods (bad midline shift).
Thank you for FINALLY publicly pointing these out! I have noticed EVERY single one of these (maybe its what I get for being married to Dan)... I actually laughed out loud when I scrolled down to Tom Cruise's pic.. HAHA that googly smile with the tooth that lines up perfectly with his nose. You forgot to mention Jewel... her teeth are crazy too.
I happen to find minor tooth flaws kinda cute: Kirsten Dunst, Jewel (but not Amy Winehouse with her crack-whore chic. Scary... though some of her music is catchy)
Shana! Tyler is sitting here with me tonight shouting his "Amens" after each celebrity you listed. You nailed them all -- dead on! GREAT post!
woah on the tom cruise. yucky poo puppy! i will never look at him the same again!
I find the "Class I, Division II" particularly distracting. It's nice to finally be able to put a name to it!
Very funny, Shana.
lol, totally random. but i guess teeth are your obsession.
You ALWAYS crack me up! I find myself noticing a little more than I use to thanks to M's constant comments. You picked some real winners. At the top of my list, Kiera Knightly.
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