A Little Bragging

Well, it's that time of year again. The kids win some major awards. Mom graduates again. You know the drill in this house. We're all just a bunch of overachievers.

Hayden

Hayden has become quite an impressive vocalist. We had no idea he had developed this talent until he came to us in the third grade and said, "I'm gonna be in the talent show!" "Oh, really? What's your talent?" "I'm going to sing." "Really? That'll be interesting." And then he belted out this country song (of all things... Let's just say that was totally his own doing) and sounded like a total pro! Since then, he has put a lot of blood, sweat, and tears in to honing his craft. We even had a lady in our ward who sings professionally for movies and T.V. approach us to see if we were interested in getting him active in Hollywood for voice-overs, etc.

But the biggest accomplishment to date was his participation in a scholarship program through the Kiwanis Club. Out of all the middle schoolers in all the choirs in all the schools, he placed fifth in the district. It was one of those moments that had me so engrossed, I completely forgot to press record on the camera. The payoff was that I was so enraptured, I was brought to tears by his surprisingly mature voice, but I didn't get to show the world this amazing performance. So during the Spring concert, I made sure I got his solo performance from the "Newsies" medley. He's the little guy with the microphone that disappears as soon as everybody else stands up.

Nathan

Nathan has been in one of the best high school music programs on the planet, in my humble opinion. At his Spring pops concert, the various orchestras played the scores from movies like Harry Potter, Spiderman, Avatar, and Star Wars. We even got visited by Darth Vader and his Imperial Storm Trooper guards. It was awesome! Every one of the upper level orchestras could play professionally. We are sad that Nathan will not have a chance to build on that experience in public school any more. If we could commute him to SAMOHI just for the music program after we move, it would almost be worth it. I don't think there are any orchestra programs at the schools in Santa Rosa. We'll have to look privately if he is to continue fostering this growing talent.

At the last performance, the teachers honored two or three members from each of the orchestra groups. As they announced the winner for the Strings Orchestra (the beginning level group that Nathan is in), the teacher said, "This violinist is such a hard worker. He's the first to open his violin case when he gets to class. He practices at school, at home, everywhere!" And Wayne and I both silently thought to ourselves, "Well, it can't be Nathan." "...And the recipient for outstanding musician is Nathaniel Van Cleave." *applause, applause* ...and then Wayne, in his astonishment shouts an audible, "WHAT?!?" Yeah. We're such good parents. We totally believe in our kids' abilities.

Shana

And as for me, I had a fake graduation last week. It was all the pomp and circumstance of a real graduation, but the kicker here was that I had to go back to work the next day. When I opened my "diploma," it was blank inside. They're holding it ransom for another month and a half of work to ensure that the patients don't suffer while we go through the transition to the incoming class. But it was lots of fun to see all the family and enjoy their amazing support. My mom was crying like she did at my wedding, she was so proud. Chad was cheering so loud, I was considered the most popular graduate by my peers. (People thought I had brought an entire entourage, and 14 spectators was kind of a lot... But really, it was just that Chad is VERY loud! It was hilarious and absolutely made my day.)

Then we went to the Cheesecake Factory to be gluttons. And that was where I got teared up as I looked around the table at my dearest supporters: Wayne, who essentially gave up his career for the advancement of mine, Nathan, who has shared his birthday weekend with me every two or three years as I hog the glory for yet another commencement, and Hayden, who has no memory of his Mom outside of her studies. I recalled going in to a counselor at Palomar College as I approached the time to transfer to a four year university. As she looked at my GPA, she said, "So where do you want to go? Harvard? Stanford? You could pretty much have your pick." When I told her I had a family to consider and was hoping to go on to pediatric dentistry, she changed her tune. "Well, with a family, you can't do that! That's, like, another 10 years of school." But I knew with my cheering section, I could. AND I did it in, like, another 8 years of school. So take that, Mrs. Naysayer Palomar College Counselor Woman. *insert raspberry noise here* So, thanks to these folks (picture below) and a host of other wonderful supporters, I am nearing the end of a decade of higher education.

Woo Hoo!!!

Wayne

While he doesn't get his own graduation or awards ceremony, his biggest achievement is surviving his overachieving family and making all of this possible. I joke and say he is the wind beneath my wings (because he absolutely despises that song), but it's true. I couldn't have done any of this without you. Well, maybe I could have, but my kids would be juvenile delinquents by now. Thank you for keeping them out of jail, kicking their butts when they needed it, and kissing their boo-boos (in a very manly way, of course) when I couldn't. You have spent most of this past decade doing my favorite job, and you've done wonderfully. Our boys are very lucky that they got the chance to be brought up by a very devoted Dad during their formative years. I love you so much, Baby!

The Shoe Is On the Other Foot

I have never had a cavity in my life. Never, that is, until dental school. Then the Diet Coke started flowing like water and Everlasting Gobstoppers became the mechanism by which I could pull all-nighters. That is when tooth #12 became traitorous on me... Just a little cavity hanging out in the dark little crevice between my two left bicuspids.

So like any responsible dental professional, I waited four years until residency to get it fixed. I knew all the tricks to keep it from progressing rapidly, and kept my eye on it with x-rays and checkups, but I just never trusted any of my colleagues to perform microsurgery on my precious #12.

Well, yesterday I mustered the courage to hop in the chair. A very competent coworker gave me the chance to see first-hand what I do to my patients every day...

HOLY CRAP!!!
I CAN'T BELIEVE I DO THAT TO PEOPLE EVERY DAY...
AND THEY LET ME!!!!!

I didn't mind the shots. We had to practice those on each other multiple times in dental school, so I was somebody's guinea pig on several occasions and I know that after that first little pinch, everything is going to go right to sleep and everything will be just fine.

But the drilling... Oh, the drilling!!! All that noise and vibration!!! It felt like a jack hammer in my skull!!! I thought my brain was going to rattle out of my head at one point! Not painful at all... Just otherworldly and weird!

I do this to young children daily, and most of them don't care!!! HOW?!? How do they sit there so unconcerned? How is it that my singing "The Wheels on the Bus" and "The Little Mermaid" is distraction enough to keep them from shooting out of their chair and clawing me in the face?!? It is a WEIRD sensation!!! ...and I do this to people a l l t h e t i m e. AND THEY LET ME!!!!

And as I watched my co-resident at work, and watched as my saliva and little tooth bits flew up into her face, glistening in the overhead light as they caught flight, I thought "YUCK!!!" That's what's in my hair when I come home from work every day... Spit, blood, plaque, and tooth bits... in my hair and on my face... every day!!! *shudder* This is fair warning to anyone who associates with me on a regular basis: Don't ever touch me again until I've had a shower after work. I am stewing in Au De Gingivitis.

So now I finally understand why dentists are portrayed as such bad guys. Now I understand why people think us sadistic and mean. We do weird things to you in your head with your mouth wedged open and a light shining in your face, and we talk to you while you can't respond, and we stink with spit in our hair.

I get it now.

......

Please don't hate me.

Mom, DDS

Earlier this summer, Nathan celebrated a monumental occasion. After 10 months of ortho, the braces came off. I know, I know... All of you suckers out there who suffered through 4 years of wires and bands can whine all you want, but your dentist just didn't have the mad skillz that Nathan's did. (Har har har.) Wayne was on hand to capture the torture... I mean treatment, as we took all kinds of impressions for study models and retainers, etc.

It all started out fine and dandy.
...Gave him a little alginate facial as a perk.

Hayden wanted in on the action, too.

Big baby.

I look like I'm having WAAAAAY too much fun at his expense, don't I?

Capture that vestibule!

You can run...

But ya can't hide.

He certainly liked the end result.

Now what else can I do to them for practice? Anybody up for some wisdom tooth extractions?

Adventures in Anesthesia

My job is a bit harrowing at times on Wednesdays. We go in very early in the morning and administer general anesthesia to kids who are too uncooperative or young to be able to sit through massive amounts of dental work. We inject them in the leg to get them dazed enough to place an I.V., and while they are unconscious, we sit there administering the medication intravenously, monitoring their vital signs, listening to their breathing, etc. And every once in a while, we have to restart the kid's breathing. So my Wednesday activities have become affectionately known around here as "Keeping the Kid Alive" days.


So I came home from work today reminiscing about my own childhood surgery experience, which I had when I was about 3 or 4 for placement of tubes in my ears. I looked kind of like this, but I was spending a lot of my time writhing in pain from repeated ear infections.

For whatever reason, I was not at all nervous. Perhaps it was the preparation by my doctors and parents to get me psyched for my brief stay in the hospital. Maybe it was the fine nurse that put me at ease when she made a matching wrist band for my stuffed Koala bear, "George Washington Berger Bear." (I still have him...see below...But was very miffed that my nurse left off his middle name.)

I was so not nervous, that I looked at the surgery as a chance to prove my phenomenal will power. "I'm going to set the world record for staying awake when they give me the sleepy gas," I silently mused to myself as they wheeled me into the operating room.

"Okay, Honey. I'm going to put this mask on you and then we're going to count to ten. Are you ready?"

"Ready." ****Thinking: "Watch this, Buddy! You're going to be amazed at how long I can hold out! Your drugs have no power over me!"

"Here we go. (Mask goes on) Now start counting."

"One..."

*fade to black*

THE END

One More Secretion Down...

1. Getting puked on... Check

2. Getting peed on... Check

3. Getting spit at... Check

4. Having a giant booger blown at me...

Check.

Just another day at the office.

Expect No Sympathy: A Public Service Announcement

If your kid is a brat, you are not doing them any favors by not brushing their teeth. Their temper tantrums don't deter cavities. In fact, you're probably giving into a number of other tantrums, including those for treats and snacks throughout the day, which is going to add to the problem. If they don't like to brush, MAKE THEM!!!

I'm going to pose a few rhetorical questions. Let me know what you think...

Do you ever give your kid cough syrup? They HATE that, but you do it because it's good for their well being. So WHY is it okay to skip brushing their teeth just because they don't like it?

The mouth is a germy, nasty, plaque-filled orifice. If you ever decided to skip wiping their butts at diaper time you could easily foresee the problems you would be creating. So why not clean the other end of the digestive tube just as frequently?

Have YOU ever had a toothache? Just because they are baby teeth doesn't mean their rotten teeth are any less painful. Do YOU like the taste of pus seeping in your mouth on a continuous basis? Would YOU get any sleep if your face was throbbing?

Is it really that much of a hassle to pin them down when they're little and scrub their teeth regularly until they realize it is just part of the routine? Is it more convenient for you to have your kid knocked out with pharmaceuticals and strapped down while someone with sharp instruments pokes and prods for hours at what's left of their teeth?

So, if any more mothers out there are planning to come visit me to fix their kindergartner's bombed out, stinky, infected mouths... Be warned. I am NOT going to be sympathetic when you tell me, "It's not my problem. Tell him (the 5 year old). He doesn't like to brush his teeth and won't do it when I tell him to."

Also, if you can't afford to fix the multiple abscessed teeth that are infected into the bone because you are using your kid's allotted child support to pay for your other kid's braces (from a different Baby Daddy who doesn't pay child support), don't be surprised if I get a flash of an expression that appears to be incredulous and a wee bit chastening.

Nope. Don't expect sympathy. It's taking every ounce of my strength not to kick your butt!

My Motivation

This trip was very timely. The day before we were to leave, my program director called me into one of the "quiet rooms" in the clinic to ask if I would be Chief Resident next year. Now, don't be fooled... It sounds all prestigious and stuff, but what it really means is: whenever drama enters the residency, I get to clean up the mess. yay me. Thankfully, I got to escape the announcement and hide in beautiful Northern California at the most gorgeous time of the year and soak in the scenery...gearing up for what awaits me upon my return.

It's been nine years since I went back to school to finish my education... And by education, I mean the one that included two semesters of Junior College before I dropped out to get married and have babies. So I guess you could say my "education" had never really been started in the first place. My point being, when I am done with this last year + four months at UCLA, it will have been an entire decade of higher education. TEN YEARS of cramming stuff into this weary brain of mine! TEN YEARS of dragging my family up and down California in pursuit of degree after degree in order to land my dream job.

Cheers to you, Boys! We're almost done!

THIS is what we have to look forward to after this year.
THIS is where we will be living when all is said and done. THIS is home!

Let the countdown begin!

How To Feel A Little Glamorous When You Are Fat, Frumpy and Poor

I'm enduring one of those periods of my education when I just feel like I have completely let myself go. I work long hours, such that I barely see the light of day. I wear scrubs daily that are the color of dead flesh. I can't fit into much else because I am too tired to get off my fat arse once I finally finish work. I can't afford a good hairdresser...

Ah! But wait! There may be hope for that little quandry! All it takes is a box of hair dye, a bottle of nailpolish, a nice little facial treatment, and a really cool sister to make it all feel better!

Thanks Amy, for the most funnest pampering this Super-frump has had in months!!! And thank you, Jeff, for keeping the testosterone at bay while we indulged a little!
Here's the kind of stuff that was going on downstairs in "Man Land." Nathan and Hayden were more than happy to read books to Caleb about boogers and farts. They are even showing him how to find his boogers. Aren't they sweet?

~~~~~
And now here is a chance to help my awesome sister and her tremendously awesome family...

Many of you know that Amy's son, Caleb, has Ulrich's Muscular Dystrophy. It is a rare type of degenerative disease. They are currently raising money for the MDA to go towards research and support for Ulrich's. Click here if you want to help... Even just a little. Last year, my dental school class raised almost $1000, and they were living off student loans! Maybe you could spare a few bucks, too. And feel free to link to the MDA website! The more, the merrier!

If you want a little more motivation, click here.

By Royal Decree

Apparently, King Wayneman thinks I'm slacking. He has decreed that I post something.


"It's been too long since your last post," he says.

"My mom will worry, and call, and leave frantic messages on your phone because you haven't blogged in a while," he says.

"You'll lose your fan base," he says.


Well, the fact of the matter is, I'm tired... and uninspired... and grungy. I have been trapped in an anesthesia rotation, waking up every morning at 5:15 for the past 2 weeks, wearing blue paper bonnets and booties in a room that feels like the arctic circle, putting in I.V.s, and intubating people before they get eye surgery...And then they go to sleep, and I sit there watching monitors go "beep. beep. beep." and hope that they don't stop their incessant beeping, because then things are going to get exciting, which is NOT what you want during anesthesia. It's all for the sake of learning, folks. But let's just say, I'm very happy I chose dentistry instead of medicine (and more specifically: anesthesiology).

So "fan base," pardon my lack of enthusiasm. I still have two more weeks of this ahead of me, and I feel like doing an angry dance!


Wouldn't it be great to be that cool? As it is, I would look a lot more like this guy, but wearing scrubs, a blue bonnet, and paper booties.

The Gift That Keeps on Giving

I have reached a momentous occasion

in my pediatric dental residency...

Undergone a right of passage, so to speak.

Today was special--

A truly marvelous experience.

It was a time to be thankful for a job that allows me

to give to the community.

Some days, you get to enjoy the patients

who are so generous as to give back.

I will cherish these moments...

Always.

Today...

I got barfed on for the first time!

YAY, Puke!!!

That's What She Said

Today we had a very informative lunch meeting with an electric toothbrush company. I've never really seen toothbrushes in this light before... EVER.

It all began innocently enough. The company rep (a very attractive woman in her late twenties) realized she had forgotten her laptop, which had her entire spiel on its hard drive. She excused herself to run to her car while we got situated and began to eat our lunches. A few moments later, she reentered the room, huffing and puffing.

"Whew! That seemed like it was long! ... That was a LONG, LONG run," she panted. "Does anybody mind if I take my coat off while I recover?"

A few enthusiastic nods from the males in the room... To which she responded in a manner that did not disappoint. Off came the grey pinstripe business suit coat. Beneath: a flesh colored cami and a pair of very perky high beams... BRALESS high beams. "Wow! I just cannot cool off! I am so hot right now!"

The tongues lolling out of their heads could have been mistaken for enthusiasm over their sandwiches, but it was pretty obvious that it was NOT the turkey cold cuts that were directing the guys' attention in the room.

The attending doctor turns to our chief resident and says, "I need to come to these lunch-and-learns more often! They're great! When did we start getting strippers for these things?"

As the presentation went on, her sales pitch was met with rapt attention from her many admirers. To finish things off, she informed us of one of the new features of the improved electric toothbrush she was pedaling. "Notice how nicely this one vibrates compared to the old one? See how this one is so much more vigorous than the other." Now she is holding up the twelve inch long vigorously vibrating hardware to give us an adequate visual. It continues to vigorously vibrate as she exclaims, "OH! And I almost forgot! These things are hermetically sealed! If you need to save yourself some time, you can just take this in the shower with you and do your thing in there!"

Super.

You'll Be a Dentist! You Have a Talent For Causing Things PAIN!

Parking at UCLA for dental appointments: $10

X-rays to start orthodontic treatment: $150

Orthodontic treatment while in residency: $0, but hours and hours of work.

Making your kid sit in the dental chair for two hours with his lips pulled out like a large-mouthed bass and gluing implements of traction and pain to all of his teeth: Priceless!

Yep. That's my oldest son in the chair as the process begins: Nathan is one of my first orthodontic victims... I mean, patients.

All told, Nate was a pretty great patient. He sat still throughout the very lengthy procedure. Even now, he's been amazingly cool about his new metal mouth, though eating is a bit tricky for now. But there's been no whining, "Ow! My teeth hurt! When do I get to get these off? I'm never going to show my face again!" (I actually had a patient go home with a bag over his head on the day we gave him his braces. Yah. That's MUCH less embarrassing than braces!)
Look at that widdle punim! My baby's all growed up!

Orange and black elastics: Very festive for this time of year.

Hayden needed something to do while his brother got all the attention. We cemented a little wire behind his bottom teeth to keep them from crowding, but his procedure was done in about 10 minutes. Luckily, the assistants found a few things to keep him busy... Like playing dress-up with him. Here's Dr. Hayden, complete with "bloody" gloves. Just remember, Hayden: If it doesn't fit, you must acquit!

He looks like he's enjoying this far too much! In fact, as he walked out to the car (still wearing his get-up, mind you), he said to me, "Maybe I will be a dentist when I grow up!" ...Certainly better than the NASCAR driver or hockey player aspirations that have always seemed to be his ultimate goals, but I hope this picture never surfaces while he's in practice!

I'm A Pretty, Pretty Princess... But I Don't Wear Sea-Shell Pasties

If this whole pediatric residency thing doesn't work out for me, I have a back up career in mind: I figure Disney might want to hire me.

You see, in the Children's Dental Center, I am Ariel: Able to woo frightened little girls into relaxing through their dental procedures. I have even been requested to leave my own patient in order to help my colleagues in another room when they have a particularly scared patient of their own.

So how did this remarkable talent surface?

One of my co-residents asked me to assist her with a three year old patient one day. "She screamed and cried during the entire exam last time she came in, and now I need to give her a filling. I just need someone to help contain her while I slap the material in her tooth as fast as I can," she pleaded.

When I walked into the "quiet" room (which, for anybody who doesn't understand that euphemism, should more appropriately be called the "Screaming" room) , a beautiful wide-eyed little Hispanic girl was perched in the seemingly giant dental chair, looking like she was ready to bolt out of the room at the first sign of trouble. BOTH of her parents were holding her hands, and her blankie was on her lap. She was wearing sparkly shoes adorned with the Little Mermaid, with a shirt to match, and socks, and her blankie, and a hair clip... all of which was covered with the love-lorn bikini-clad princess.

So I just started singing a refrain from (what certainly appeared to be) her favorite movie. "Look at this stuff. Isn't it neat?" and I held up a mirror. "Wouldn't you think my collection's complete?" ...and the girl had suddenly loosened her grip on the blankie and was staring, slack-jawed at me. Mom and Dad were easily able to convince her I was the ACTUAL Ariel from the movie, come to help fix her teeth (despite the fact that I had blonde hair instead of fiery red, and I had obviously traded my shell-shaped pasties for dumpy, bluish-gray scrubs). For the rest of the appointment, I just kept singing while handing the other dentist the equipment she needed. And for the rest of the appointment, our little patient was completely entranced and never uttered a peep. She even left smiling.

So from that time forward, I have been met with, "Hey, Ariel! Can you give me a hand?" ...and I'm off to one screaming kid after another to soothe the savage little beasts with a tune or two.

I really need to expand my repertoire, however. I have yet to find anything that works for boys as well as "Part of Your World" works for girls. Somehow I don't think Mulan's "Be a Man" would have quite the same effect on screaming little boys.