If I could write a real-life script for Hayden's pack meeting last night, this is how it would go...
Scout master: Okay, kids! Thanks for coming to "When I Grow Up" night. Tonight we have special guests that will tell us all about their jobs. We have an artist, a guy who works for the Air Force sending things into outer space, and an FBI agent who catches bad guys!
Scouts in unison: YAY!
Scout master: We'll start with Agent So-and-So from the FBI.
*awed silence*
Agent So-and-So: Hi kids. Let me start by explaining what I do. There are three parts of the nexus of the Federal Bureau of Investigation. There are the criminal investigators that hunt down the perpetrators whose crimes go outside the local and state juristictional boundaries, like wire fraud. Then there is the counter-terrorist unit. And lastly there is the international intel unit that apprehends spies. I'm in one of those categories, but I can't say which part of the nexus I belong to.
*blank stares* *kids scratching their heads in confusion*
Confused 8 year old whispers to parent: What's a nexus?
Agent So-and-So: Anyhow, this is my gun! *whips it out of his holster*
All scouts in unison as they lean forward in their chairs: OOOOOOOOOOH!
Agent So-and-So: And this here is pepper spray and a tazer. This can totally incapacitate any perpetrator you may encounter.
All scouts in unison: OOOOOOOOOOH! AAAAAAAAAAAH!
Agent So-and-So: So lemme tell you guys a funny story... When I had been in the field for just a couple of weeks, I got handed a case where I had to track down some perpetrators who had been dealers in kidd;e p*rn (I do NOT want anybody googling the real word and surfing around on my blog! Hence the cryptic words, but I'm sure you get the oh-so-awkward picture)
All parents in unison: *Audible gasp of horror and nervous glances toward the innocent scouts.*
Curious scout: Agent So-and-So, what's kidd;e p*rn?!?!
Father of a scout: Can we just call it kidnapping? Please?
Agent So-and So: Actually, that falls under another jurisdiction. This was kidd;e p*rn...So anyways, we track this son of a ...gun down, and he is HIGH as a kite!!! I mean, he was wasted on drugs!
Scouts muttering amongst themselves: What does that mean?
Scoutmaster: Wow! Look at the time. I'm sorry Agent So-and So. We have to move on to the artist's presentation now. I'm sure Agent So-and So can stick around and answer questions later. By the way, you didn't load your gun before you came here did you?
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10 comments:
This was hilarious! I am laughing my head off over this post. Sounds like a pack meeting to remember! :) Thanks for the laughs this morning.
Oh man that is the funniest thing I've heard in a long time. Thanks for posting it and bringing tears to my eyes from laughing so hard!
That made me laugh out loud. It was totally like a sitcom, with one awkward sentence after another. How did Hayden take it?
LOL! Oh my gosh, that's friggin' hilarious!
Oh. My. Heck.
Husband and I are cubmasters. This is our theme for the month of April. I do not think we will be calling an FBI agent.
I can't believe it!! This seriously blows me away, that a man would come in and talk about all that (in those terms) with Cub Scouts!!
insane, what was agent so&so mentioning pr0n to kids for? he should have just stuck with the guns and fun toys. crazy! how is it that you get all the cool activities with drama and such at your church meetings and none for the rest of us?
OMG! Are you sure you didn't just see that on a movie, because that is one crazy talk!
Wow. That's just... wow. What a freak. He must be grounded in a different reality than the rest of us!
Evidently age-appropriate story-telling is NOT in his job description - yikes!
Oops. These comments show up as "Mick" - alas, it's Anjie... I'm sure HIS comment would've been biting and witty, of course.
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